my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
