the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
