I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
two words: eviction party
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
