hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
