Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
