and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
