that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
