I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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