Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
