Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
