did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize