i permit you to call me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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