We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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