I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
