it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
