yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
