it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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