i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
