one might say we're banned from that church
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
