life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
