I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize