It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think pants incapable of making pants work
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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