You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
