the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
