We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
whose parrot is this?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
