you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
