I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Less talking, more tequila
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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