I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
