saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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