It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
