My nipple is on Facebook.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
