Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
