So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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