I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
