I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
