threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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