I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
