wat bout pragnant strippers??
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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