Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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