yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
