I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
