I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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