So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
