420 ftw
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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