I just saw a hot homeless man
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
