She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
