Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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