All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
