sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
