I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
