he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
