No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
