Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
