I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
