I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
