Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
