We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
