bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
