I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
