it wasn't lemon gatorade
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
