Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
