dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
