I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
