We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
