i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
