D3 body, D1 cock
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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