Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
