you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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