woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am mentally ready for anal.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
