i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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