he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
