Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
