and she was petting her beer can
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
