who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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