You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
