toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
MIDGETS
????
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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