the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
