I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
