I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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