i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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