I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
