I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
