that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All the doctor said was why
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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