it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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