Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize