I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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