That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
